A Coastie Wife's Lament

As a military family, we chose a non-traditional path. When he received orders to PCS 2000 miles away, we decided that I would stay home because we have a house to to keep up (someone has to look after it), rather than try to sell it and  move with him. We were also aware that he would be gone for two years and then after 21 years of service he would retire. BUT (yes there's a but), there are times like this, when he is about to leave (again), where I feel that little panic start to rise in me. Most of the time, I am able to keep it at bay because there are so many things to two while he is gone. Things that he usually does, like fix the weed eater, change the oil in all the vehicles, mow the yard, protect his wife, etc. But any moment that he is gone is a relentless emptiness. Something is missing. But you try your best to go on with life, just as it had when he was stationed close to home. He is set to leave on a three month deployment and no matter how you look at it, it makes me nervous. We are coming up on the 9/11 anniversary. With that being said, I am sure that every servicemembers' wife or husband gets nervous around this time. Couple that with the normal "nervous" that you get when they deploy. I doubt that it is something I will ever get used to regardless of the date. So for that, I am happy that he is retiring two years from now.

It seems like the phone is always glued to my hip, waiting for that phone call from him, or an email. (Thank God for smart phones) I am a worrier period. But his going to sea worries me more than anything I can imagine. I know he knows his job, I know he knows what he is doing, but there is that added factor that he is;

1. 2000 miles away (at the moment)
2. He will be 2000-7000 miles away SOMEWHERE in the Pacific Ocean.
3. He's married to a worry wart.
4. On something that is man made and floats

So the worrying starts. The phone stays charged and I try to wake up every day and function as a normal human being who is married but lives singly. That means, one plate, one cup, one fork, one spoon...one everything...nothing ever seems to have single portions at the grocery store.

I don't expect others to feel sorry for me. I married this guy and I knew what he did for a living. But, it doesn't change the fact that half of you is missing....its floating around somewhere out in a vast sea ..